So by now you may know, that I am not a huge fan of Jimmy John’s. I think their whole “Freaky Fast” thing is ridiculous, their business model is skewed, their advertising bugs the crap out of me an anyone who has to listen to any of their ads, their sandwiches all taste the same, and supposedly the highlight of the place is their mayo. For a guy who doesn’t eat mayo, I don’t think I can classify that as a highlight.
Now there are some people who really like Jimmy John’s, and some of those people I classify as my friends. However, Every time they text me a picture of themselves at Jimmy John’s, I delete them from one more wedding photo. Every time they tell me about the terrible “Unwich” they just had, I die a little inside and wonder why I surround myself with people who have such low standards. I question my own judgment and wonder if i myself am insane. I mean, if there is always a line, and despite there being fantastic sandwich places right down the street, people feel the need to flock like lemmings to that which they have familiarity, I wonder what i am missing.
One of my friends sent me this photo, and made me wonder,
Is Jimmy John Really insane?
There is nothing wrong with my spot. Nothing at all. What does he put in his mayo that drives people crazy? It has to be the Mayo, since that is the only part that I haven’t eaten. He must have some sort of lace that he puts in the mayo. Maybe it is an opiate base or something like that? A little bit of crack mayo? Can someone describe to me in detail what it is about the mayo that makes people go insane? Maybe that is actually part of Jimmy John’s Plan… he will grow his business by getting people addicted to mayo, and then suing anyone who tries to make a sandwich in a 3 mile radius. Eventually he will stop serving his mayo, and hopes that there will be a rebellion, more akin to a zombie apocalypse. There will be hoards of crack-mayo starved people, searching high and low for a way to cure their addiction. It will be up those of us who have not succumbed to the Horrors of Jimmy John’s to teach them the ways of proper sandwiches. We will be forced to defend ourselves against the soggy bread and the tasteless veggies. We will wait patiently for flavor, and bread that has texture. We will continue to support our unsung heros by creating combinations out of the ordinary, and using sauces that are not the same color as the bread. We will savor the crisp that comes with fresh lettuce, and slowly caress our lips after taking that perfect bite of flavor combinations. We will not allow ourselves to suck, despite what others say. We will create and destroy as we see fit, in an effort to taste greatness. We will not settle for mediocracy in our lives, nor in our sandwiches.